There's no better to cover the upcoming carnage than Kass. Woooo.
Chicago is a Hot Dog Town: Guide for Corrupt Corporate Journos at the DNC
By John Kass | August 19, 2024
There’s nothing like a classic Chicago hot dog for those poor starving political journalists from the corrupt corporate media who are doing all that heavy lifting at the Chicago Democrat Convention.
Making stuff up is hungry work. Pretending Vice President Kamala Harris isn’t a complete low-functioning economic illiterate is also hungry work. And American political journos have been making stuff up for years.
You know what else is hungry work? Writing all those stories about fencing and voter ID cards are racist, while the journos take refuge at the DNC behind fences as security guards check peoples IDs.
And as the Kamala Harris pro-Hamas wing prepares to protest and harass Jews, as they prepare to kick old Joe Biden off the stage while pretending that they care about his “feelings,” the journalists have several critically important jobs. Cheerleading for Kamala Harris while and spreading the joy. Pretending she’s not an unhinged leftist. And with all that going on, denying reality–like the reality that her Soviet style price controls would strangle the economy.
So, they’ll be hungry. They might as well reach for the classic Chicago hot dog:
Natural casing for the snap, celery salt, yellow mustard, sport peppers, pickle, chopped onion, tomato and piccalilli on a steamed poppy seed bun. Oh, you don’t know piccalilli? Well too bad. Ask the New York Times or MSNBC. You’ll need some.
It’s all such hungry work. Political journos have been cheerleading for Harris and selling her fantasies for years, including last week’s pipe dream that her Soviet-style price control plan won’t crush the fragile American economy and drive inflation even higher. Her yearning to spew Marxist gibberish/ jabberwocky is profound as she marks American businesses for her absolute federal regulatory vengeance. Kamala insists she has “the will” to “snatch” patents from pharmaceutical companies. Businesses are told to either join her team, or suffer her wrath.
“Our election is about understanding the importance of this beautiful country of ours in terms of what we stand for around the globe as a democracy,” said Harris, channeling a ditzy Julia Louis-Dreyfus from “Veep.” “As a democracy! We know there’s a duality to the nature of democracy. On the one hand, incredible strength…We are all in this together.”
We’re in this together? Speak for yourself Madame Defarge. Even Obama’s economist is running away from your price controls scheme. The polls are about to catch up to you hon. Any day now.
But in the meantime, all this pretending how she’s feeling the joy is making political writers ravenously hungry. Why? Fantasy is hard work. They’ve had to pretend that the Democrat Party actually cares about the middle class, even though they know the Democrat Party has been fueled and funded by the bi-costal elite that fears and loathes the American middle class. And now they feel the joy? Even through the guilt that they’ve killed journalism, pushing it over the cliff to go woke. They killed journalism by supporting the COVID lockdown hysterics, glorifying the criminal George Floyd, insisting as they did that the Black Lives Matter riots that tore the blue cities apart were “mostly peaceful.”
But the protests weren’t “mostly peaceful.” Cities like Chicago still haven’t recovered from the BLM riots. Neither has the news media that lied for the left. Selling fantasy propaganda is tough work. Telling Americans that Harris’ Soviet style price controls won’t raise food prices is hard labor. Rather like pretending Gov. Fat Boy of Illinois didn’t break his own leg simply by just standing on it.
Taking the party approved Democrat memories and shoveling them into the mouths of voters is also agonizing, kinda like weeding an onion field in August, but without the dirt, onions or the weeds. Besides, journos have a lot of expense account drinking to do, and later comes the required bragging about of their amazing accomplishments and all their journalism awards with a capital J and references to “the Daleys” and “1968.”
So be kind to the working journos. I feel their pain. For decades I was among them, covering the national political conventions and padding expense accounts in New York, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Cleveland, and yes Chicago. And they must pretend that just before Obama’s coup ended Joe Biden’s presidency, most Democrats didn’t want her. They considered her hapless, a loser, an embarrassment. And now they feel the joy?
I know what journalists need:
Free drinks and a carb high from Chicago style hot dogs.
The best Chicago hot dog is the Daisy Brand hot dog from the Crawford Sausage Company the pride of the South Side at 23rd and Pulaski. Another one is from the Vienna Beef Factory store on the North Side. Some gourmet fools go a bit too far, trying to put duck comfit on their dogs. Me? I’m a simple man. Although every few years or so, some fake foodie would show up in one of the newsrooms and insist that Chicago would become a hamburger town.
No. You want burger culture go to LA. Chicago is hot dog culture.
Journos at the convention are working extremely hard. Selling fantasy at a propaganda festival while mocking American voters as idiots and chumbolones by feeding them lies again and again about Kamala feeling the joy. That is hard, grueling work.
For decades I was among them, covering the national political conventions and filing expense accounts in New York, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Cleveland, and yes Chicago. So I know what journalists need. And that’s why I put together this field guide for reporters. For example, many of them keep lying that crime has dropped in the big cities. Crime has dropped in the U.S. cities. Really? Crime has dropped? I suggest they take a tour, at night on the Chicago Transit Authority and ride the train alone like the poor women of color. They are our victims of crime.
And now Democrat presidential nominee Kamala Harris and all of her corporate media allies ignore the fact that just two short years ago, Harris cast the deciding Senate vote to unleash the inflation tidal wave of $1.9 trillion in spending that has crushed the dreams of young and old.
But Kamala feels the joy and that’s a fine reason to have a Chicago dog, though I can’t vouch for any United Center hot dogs or other convention dogs. That seems dangerous. Best to get away from the corrupt politicians and the antisemitic Democrats and find yourself a good Chicago dog. You can eat standing up, because I know you’re in a hurry to report the news without fear or favor, because democracy dies in darkness. And you bring the light.
I’ll bring the mustard.
Every few years or so some journalist would fly into town, survey the Chicago food scene and pronounce we were ready to join hamburger culture, as if we were in Los Angeles. This isn’t LA. This is Chicago. You want a cheeseburger go to the Billy Goat Tavern although before my quadruple bypass I was partial to the fried bologna sanguich. Since duSable traded whiskey to the Indians and Chicago since it’s beginning has been a town steeped in hot dog culture.
Kamala Harris’ running mate, Minnesota lockdown Gov. Tim Walz likes white guy tacos.
“I have white guy tacos,” said Walz in a cringy “interview” with Harris.
“What does that mean? Like, mayonnaise and tuna?” Harris asked.
“Pretty much ground beef and cheese,” Walz said adding that black pepper “is the top of the spice level in Minnesota.”
That’s pathetic. And they know it. Their jokes are running out of gas, and the convention hasn’t officially begun. and soon American voters will be wise to them and she’ll drop her purring and that ridiculous sexy kitten act she used with Democrat boss Willie Brown.
Unfortunately, there has been too much bragging going on about unhealthy food. One place that doesn’t have to brag is Gene and Jude’s and of course I haven’t mentioned Johnnie’s Beef or real Chicago pizza. And I’m really partial for making my own Chicago dogs at home, either on the grill or with a smash of butter, rosemary and garlic in a sauté pan. That’s for another time, after these Democrats get out of town.
First they’ll wave a weepy goodbye to old Joe and pretend they’re not pushing him off their cliff, and squirt some fake tears as they bite down on the sport peppers in a honestly noble real Chicago style dog. That’s tasty, the Chicago Way.
Comments