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When Bringing Your ‘Whole Self’ to Work Is Too Much
Talking about emotional health with co-workers can break down taboos—and reveal too much information
Callum Borchers hedcutBy Callum BorchersFollow
April 20, 2023 12:01 am ET
Ask a co-worker that most mundane of questions—How’s it going?—and brace yourself. You might get a real answer.
The pandemic made many of us more comfortable talking about our mental health at work, surveys show. Feeling less pressure to act like we’ve got it all together, some people now swap struggles with burnout and impostor syndrome almost as freely as they talk about sore joints after a weekend 5k.
But how much can you really say at work?
“This is probably a massive overshare,” began a LinkedIn post this month by Brad Bogus, a cannabis-industry marketing executive in Denver. He went on to describe what he calls an addiction to biting his nails, and the emotional triggers behind the habit: “When I’m on calls or video chats with you, I’m always, in subconscious ways, thinking about the creeping urge and not doing it on camera,” he wrote.
His revelation strikes at the heart of mental-health taboos in the workplace—the fear that co-workers will think you’re distracted or otherwise compromised on the job. Even as some people feel secure enough to acknowledge battles with stress, self-doubt or even diagnoses like clinical depression, it can be hard to discern the line between being vulnerable at work and TMI.
Brad Bogus is a cannabis-industry marketing executive in Denver. Photo: Andy Colwell
Mental-health specialists caution that early-career professionals can face greater risks than people who have proved themselves or achieved a measure of power. Pennsylvania Sen. John Fetterman, who returned to work this week after being hospitalized for depression, has spoken publicly about his diagnosis and treatment. Though new to the Senate, he has a 17-year political career behind him and more than five years before his next election.
Opening up can let others know they aren’t alone. It also can put co-workers in situations that they aren’t trained to handle.
“I might have grossed some people out,” Mr. Bogus told me when I asked how his nail-biting post went over. Responses have been mostly positive, he adds, with several acquaintances confiding that they have the same habit or struggle with anxiety that manifests differently.
Get used to personal conversations, bosses
Handling sensitive disclosures has become a top challenge for bosses, says Dane Jensen, chief executive of the leadership-development firm Third Factor. His executive clients sometimes go into meetings with underachieving employees expecting straightforward discussions about improving output and wind up in more personal territory.
“A performance conversation can turn into a mental-health conversation at the drop of a hat,” he says. “Leaders can say, ‘That makes me uncomfortable.’ Tough. It’s going to happen, and you have to get used to it.”
Learning how to listen compassionately without playing amateur counselor is now part of leadership training at Yelp Inc., says Carmen Whitney Orr, the company’s chief people officer. She views employees’ increased willingness to talk about mental health as a silver lining of the pandemic but fears the openness won’t last without care and attention.
“That’s a macro concern that I worry about a lot these days,” she says.
Many businesses have expanded mental-health benefits in recent years. Watch your inbox in May, Mental Health Awareness Month, for reminders from your HR department about available services.
Companies recognize that untreated conditions can make employees less productive, says Naomi Allen, co-founder and CEO of Brightline Inc., a startup that offers virtual counseling to employees and their families. The San Mateo, Calif., company’s corporate clients grew from 45 to about 450 last year.
Be judicious about what you share
EnterpriseDB Corp., a software company based in Bedford, Mass., covers roughly 800 mostly remote employees’ subscriptions to an app that includes one-on-one therapy sessions and meditation exercises. The company has also continued its pandemic-era practice of observing “wellness Fridays” once a month—an extra day off to mentally recharge.
Chief Human Resources Officer Leslie O’Neil says she feels honored when employees trust her and the corporate culture enough to talk about mental-health issues. She also appreciates being able to refer them to professionals when a sympathetic ear isn’t enough.
Even in the most conscientious organizations, it is wise to carefully consider what to tell co-workers and what to keep private, says Morra Aarons-Mele, a former communications executive who hosts the “Anxious Achiever” podcast and wrote a book by the same name.
She applauds the candor of successful business figures like Jimmy Horowitz, NBCUniversal vice chairman of business affairs and operations, whom she recently interviewed about his experience with depression. He spoke out once he felt better and offered to help lead his company’s internal mental-health initiatives. Others at lower rungs on the corporate ladder shouldn’t feel obligated to be so open, Ms. Aarons-Mele adds.
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
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“If you don’t have status, it’s not your job to be the spokesperson for mental illness,” she says.
Sergio Valenzuela, a data analyst in Portland, Ore., says he paid a professional price for taking a five-week mental-health break from work last year. He says he told colleagues about the toll of losing several loved ones, including his mother, in close succession and described fatigue that came from feeling he had to outperform others because he is an immigrant.
Mr. Valenzuela says his employer supported his leave of absence. Upon returning, he felt that important decisions affecting his team had been made without his input, which caused him to question his standing in the company. He left for a new opportunity several months ago.
He would do it all again—the break was exactly what he needed—but he warns against naively expecting that sharing emotional truths doesn’t happen without trade-offs.
“You have to go in with eyes wide open,” he says. “There’s always some level of risk.”
Write to Callum Borchers at callum.borchers@wsj.com
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