Fani and Mr. Humper Battle It Out with the Bidens and Mayor Boufo for the Golden Moutza of the Month
By John Kass
March 3, 2024
Watching President China Joe Biden gaslighting the nation on illegal immigration–while avoiding any reference to Laken Reilly or others murdered or assaulted by his illegal migrant invaders crossing his wide–open border, a word kept nagging at me.
And that same word echoed as I thought of all the corrupt Chicago politicians who’ve gone away to prison and didn’t have the big brains to use the Fani Willis and Mr. Humper excuse about dealing only in cash.
That word kept nagging, like Nikki Haley insisting she’s not the cheerleader for endless wars.
It was a foreign-sounding word.
No, not the ancient and venerable Hellenic Golden Moutza which we award today, and from which even the meat-puppet Biden–as president of the United States–is exempt, as most civilized people acknowledge.
But his Bagman Brother Jim, and his crackhead son Hunter–both of whom have been raking in the millions in cash from America’s foreign adversaries while given license to peddle by Congressional Democrats and their media lickspittles are not exempt. They deserve a moutza every day while sitting in the lap of CNN’s Jake Tapper and all the liberals telling us democracy dies in darkness as they shut off the lights.
I thought Bagman Jim and his Diamond Hunter nephew should be locked in a cell as traitors for selling America to the Chinese, locked away in some dark, damp place like the Château d’If. But maybe it’s best to keep them here to remind Americans how much contempt the Bidens, the corrupt corporate media and all the Democrats have for the nation and the rule of law.
President Non Compos Mentis should get his well-deserved big fat Moutza in the November 2024 elections. And if he doesn’t, well, we might just want to move someplace safe and civilized, like Afghanistan.
But what was that word that was nagging me?
It was Chumbolomania
Because across the nation and in a once-great city by the lake, hordes of Americans seem desperate to present themselves as idiots and put on the trappings of the clown, right down to the big Bozo feet.
But there is a way to fight off the idjits of the idiocracy: With the Golden Moutza.
You know how this works by now. Readers find me on social media near the end of the month to nominate their worthy idiots, baboons and jerks and egg sucking politicos.
“Oh geez!” cried Eileen McEelligott Ahlstrom, “I’m going to have to weed out the list of candidates!”
Get to work Eileen. This is the No Chumbolone Zone, not the welfare state.
For example, White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf now is asking for $1 billion in taxpayer funds for a new stadium, even though the team is crap and taxpayers have already built him a ballpark. At least Sox Park has decent ballpark food but the drawback is that you might get murdered on the drive home in street gang crossfire on the Dan Ryan.
Still, Jerry just loves other people’s money. And he traded away my favorite young Chicago ballplayer, true White Sox, Nick Madrigal and cut the kid’s heart out. And again, the ballclub stinks.
Oh and what of Charlotte Cowles, a New York financial advice columnist who wrote a first person article telling us she’s desperate for the Moutza Hall of Fame. Her essay: “The Day I Put $50,000 in a Shoe Box and Handed It to a Stranger.”
Is she that much of a chumbolone, or chumbolonisa (to use the feminine form of the word)?
Lin Feddor Cappozzo:“I don’t know I should laugh at this or face palm myself? Wondering if this is an indication of believing fake news for many years? Or is this just another Jussie Smollette story.I find it hard to believe anyone would put that much money in a shoe box. Nah not believing anyone is this gullible.”
First Lady Jill Biden—the devious Edith Wilson of the Beltway—is eligible. Joe should have been locked in the basement years ago to keep him safe. And all we have to do is research what happened to the Biden family dog “Commander” who bit at least 24 U.S. Secret Service agents before he was sent away to “the farm,” or wherever the Bidens dispatch pets when they’re no longer politically useful.
“Nah ! Moutza to Jill Biden and her spokesperson Elizabeth Alexander,” said reader Tom Winike. “They misused Commander as a prop to fool animal lovers with staged family photos. When the cameras stop rolling, he’s ignored and neglected. Commander was never treated with affection. He’s only there to make Bidens look like previous First Families. Feesah etho !”
Abuse of animals is as low as you can get.
The German Shepherd Dog is a loyal, powerful, and highly intelligent animal. The breed has been ruined by idiotic humans, by backyard puppy-mill breeders, and by foolish people who seek a high drive dog because it looks good, without bothering to give it constant training and discipline. But that takes effort, and Joe Biden is a good bullcrapper, and a plagiarist not an effort-guy.
Yet if a young woman out for a jog had a well-bred and well-trained GSD protection dog running alongside her, the attacker would not have been able to get close to her.
“I say we give this ‘award’ to all the sanctuary cities that have chaos with all the illegal immigrants,” says Melody Ann, “and paving the road for further destruction of our country, ignoring law and order.”
Sue Witte Groskreutz nominated Facebook (META). Its founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg is a champion of left-wing politics whose social media platform has long suppressed conservative views.
“John I’m in shock,” said Groskreutz. “I followed you on FB eons ago, but this is the first time you have appeared on my feed! FB algorithms are hiding you.”
Perhaps. Or it just might be coincidence.
“I was going to nominate Thumper and Humper,” said David Kleckner, “but coming down the home stretch here comes Mayor Johnson. In a shakedown move worthy of a beer distributorship, Brandon wants to sue oil companies for climate deception? The real deception is trying to convince people that he’s the actual mayor and not the radical faction of the CTU. Nah!”
So you’re not buying the Mayor Panic Attacks excuse?
Leo G. Manta: “Well, either we award Fani Willis the Mountza, or Mayor Boufos for even hinting at using public funds for another Sox Park in no-mans land. I’m torn, both are deserving of all twenty digits on hands and toes! NAH! Fisa, kai parta olla!!! (Blow on this and take them all!)
“I’ll bet you a few ‘Gs’ that Fani Willis would love to add a shiny gold Moutza to her stash of cash,” said Ann MacIntosh Baker. “Gotta give her credit though. She does have a ‘Chicago Way’ about her, hiring her boy toy to prosecute Trump, then using the (tax) money to fund romantic get-aways. ‘G’ also stands for GRIFT, something Fani seems to have mastered. A well-deserved palm-to-face for Fani, Mr. Humper and their Garden of Earthly Delights. Nah!”
Ms. Baker, you are known far and wide for your superb taste, and the commentary which you’ve used to buttress your nomination of Fani is like a good cup of Midwestern common sense.
The plain fact is that while I tried to avoid this moutza and give it to Jerry Reinsdorf, Georgia’s Fani Willis simply cannot be turned away.
She is as embarrassing as Stacy Adams and her soft porn novels, but worse.
Fani and Mr. Humper have made Georgia taxpayers and the Georgia courts the laughingstocks of the nation. Watching her testify angry like some fishwive, it was clear that she reeked of poor taste. And she used the race card to incite black Democrats to support her and twist the rule of law to partisan advantage.
She was as cheap and vulgar of Chicago race hustler Rickey “Hollywood” Hendon on his worst day, as unethical as any pay-for-pay politico. And the only West Sider he didn’t scream at was Joe Lombardo.
Fani took hundreds of thousands of dollars from the taxpayers and paid her Mr. Humper with taxpayer money to prosecute former President Trump on a nonsensical RICO case. Why? Because she’s a Biden loyalist and they talk about protecting democracy even as they deny Americans the choice to vote for their preferred candidates.
She enjoyed lavish vacations and trips to Belize, Aruba, Sonoma and other places on the taxpayer dime. Then she wrapped herself up in the race card in a black church to attack others and defend herself.
It was sickening for what the entire drama says about the American belief in the Rule of Law, but isn’t that the Democrat playbook, the race card and all the rest of it? Because to Willis, the Rule of Law is only for leverage to shower herself and Mr. Humper with other people’s money that she didn’t earn, and wrap herself in the race card.
And if anyone dares speak up to question Fani, she’ll put her hand on her hip and call out to God and condemn them to the mob and race hustlers like Al Sharpton.
Lift up your chin Fani. You love cash but I’ve got something here for you and it’s bleepin’ golden. This Golden Moutza of February is yours and yours alone.
You are the superhero for lawfare. You are the superhero of shaming the courts and the Rule of Law.
And as you blow on it, the rest of us will sing to you like drunks in a midnight choir:
Take a load off Fani, take a load for free;
Take a load off Fani and…and take this Golden Moutza from me.
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